How To Find Your Person

Trying to find that one person to spend the rest of your life with can feel stressful, scary, heartbreaking, and disappointing. We’ve all had that relationship we were hurt by. Maybe one where we really thought “this is it!” only to be starting over. Another, where they had the potential but never actually stepped into that potential. Or maybe even a relationship where we truly loved that person but deep down felt we were not right for each other.

Dating can SUCK at times and we may wonder what it is all for if we cannot find that one special person. But dating can also be fun if you allow it to, believe it or not.

It can be exciting to get that butterfly feeling when you walk into that first date. You might get to check out some really cool spots or eat at really delicious restaurants you otherwise may not have. It offers companionship instead of being alone at times, and it opens us up to meeting many new people who all come with unique stories and interesting backgrounds. And if all else fails, at least even the god-awful dates can leave you with really funny stories to share!

Lastly, dating is necessary to help us learn what we do and do not want in our forever partner. My heartbreaks, as much as I hated going through them, also taught me about myself and what I wanted or more importantly, deserved. And ultimately, it led me to my happy ever ending…my amazing husband!

Ok, so getting to the reason why you clicked on this blog — how to find your person?!

I cannot say that it’s going to be easy but it will be worth it, as cliché as that sounds. When you have gone through all the breakups, bad dates, good dates that fizzled out, blind dates, etc. and you are truly ready to find your person, here is how:

Find Yourself.

First off and most importantly, you need to find yourself. This can be a loaded topic with many meanings. However, in regards to this blog, I mean being aware of the person you are, the direction you want to head, the people you want in your corner, the love you have to give, and the type of love you are deserving of receiving. If you do not have this figured out yet, it is OK! Take the time to get there because it will help narrow your search for someone compatible. Otherwise, without this step, it can make it harder for us to weed out those individuals and also waste a lot of our time. And we do not have time for that!

Be OK With Being Alone.

Following that is learning to be comfortable being alone. I told you it would not be easy! I have seen this issue so many times with friends and honestly, at one point, in myself. Being alone (and being OK with it) allows us to depend on ourselves, show up for ourselves, love ourselves, and know what is best for ourselves. If we cannot love ourselves, then who can? It is not someone else’s responsibility to fill this void. By achieving this step, you cut out all the wrong people that you may have had stick around just to avoid being alone. The mentality changes to ‘I do not need this person, I am choosing this person’. Choose wisely.

When asking my husband why he thinks I showed up in his life when I did, his answer was “I stopped looking for someone to complete me. I realized that I had to be the type of person I wanted to attract within my wife. If you want to attract royalty, you have to be royalty.” He’s a good one, huh! 😉

Write Your List.

Here we go, give me the good, the bad, the dirty…I want it all! If you are a list maker like myself then you will love this. If you are not, then too bad, and do it anyway! You have most likely heard this before but the power of visualization is life-changing. A Forbes article defines visualization as “the act of visualizing something or someone” or “forming a picture of it in your mind”.

Are you picking up what I am laying down here? Open up a new notes page or if you are traditional then grab a pen and notebook and start writing down your dream person. Do not even think about it (or anyone in specific!) and just write as detailed as you can be – height, eye color, body shape, great son, loyal friend, hardworking, family-oriented, great at sex, whatever it is, write it down! It can include body features, characteristics, work industry, common interests, anything! Separate your list into three columns: your ‘must have’ ‘dealbreakers’ and your ‘nice to have but not necessary’. And then, date this entry!

After a bad breakup, I got to this point in my life where I was over the dating and READY! I did exactly this and wrote down everything I wanted in my guy. Fast forward 3 years later and as I am laying down next to the guy I had been seeing, I pull out my list and just started reading it to him without him knowing what it was. He replied, “what was that, did you write that about me?” That guy is my now husband. Boom, the power of visualization is scary because it works!

Practice The Power Of Prayer.

I am not a very religious person. I do not tend to go to church but I do believe in God. Therefore, I consider myself a spiritual person. That being said, I believe that we can pray no matter where we are and does not have to be in the House of God. My husband and I pray nightly, mostly giving gratitude for the things and people we have in our life, as well as praying for others in need of it. We try not to pray for ourselves unless we feel it is really required at that time.

During the time I was writing my list of my dream person, I also decided to pray at that moment for myself. My prayer was “Please let the next relationship I decide to enter be the one I end up marrying.” It felt powerful when I did it and because I wanted to stick by what I prayed for, I became pickier about who I would date. That next real relationship of mine, 3 years later, was with my husband. Hopefully, this is helping you see how one action plays into the next.

Set Your Standards & Demand Them.

This last step is ultimately where the change happens. Everything prior builds up to one another but without actually setting our standards and or settling for anything less, the actions may not follow. You have done all the work to get you here, the rest is what you allow in your life to happen. Is that person you are still talking to and hoping something will come from it meeting the requirements of your list? If not, stop wasting your time. Is there that person that you have not really given the time of day but looking at it now they meet a lot on your list? Then maybe explore that a little (of course the chemistry has to be there).

The title of this section actually came from my amazing father-in-law, who spoke these words to my husband when he was going through a stage in his life. It was after he said this that my husband made the changes I discussed in the finding yourself section. Not everyone has someone to give them advice like this. Luckily, we both did but if you do not, I hope this blog provides you with that void. I am no love expert but I am happily in love and married, and believe these changes aided in getting here. Happy love finding!

_{All Bubbles, No Troubles…}

^{~ Pups & Prosecco ~}