Do You Identify Yourself By Your Profession?

Have you ever noticed how much we attach our profession to our identity? This topic has been on my mind for a while now as I’ve been in a career change and also watched how others engage. To put this more into perspective, here is an example that is probably the most relatable.

Conversation Starter

When you meet someone for the first time and begin your introductions, what topic is almost immediately addressed (other than small talk about the weather)?

Naturally, our occupation is asked about with the infamous ‘so what do you do?’ question.

That question tends to send us down a rabbit hole of other work-related conversations like how we enjoy it, what got us into that field or even might be talked about in greater detail if we are familiar with that line of work. Sometimes, after that’s over, we awkwardly stop talking and struggle to find another topic to bring up. But what tends to happen is that we leave that conversation knowing very little about that person we just met other than their name, where they are from, and what they do for work.

I get it, we often subconsciously ask this initial question out of habit. And let’s keep it real – meeting people can be really awkward and uncomfortable. But I think you would agree that you don’t go around picking your friends based on their job but rather on what their interests are. At least I hope. So if that is the case, then why do our conversations naturally gravitate to it every time?

Let me also point out that it’s not only when meeting people for the first time that we reference work a lot. It is also a common trend when catching up with friends & family. For a while now, I have been paying attention to how conversations go while on the phone, facetime, or zoom group calls (shout-out to 2020 for this). We directly ask one another “How is everything, how is work?” Or if we’re asked “what’s new” with us, we resort to updates on work, any promotions we are striving towards, or the stress that’s been happening in our role. Aside from big upcoming life events we may have, the small, personal life updates or hobbies we enjoy doing are rarely shared or simply glazed over. We then pass the torch to the next person to share.

A Typical Week Broken Down

Now, there is nothing wrong with asking about someone’s work. We genuinely do want to know how people are doing in all areas of their lives (including their jobs). However, it does seem to become second nature in conversations that we bring up our job early on or make it a large portion of the discussion. Some may argue that work is such a big part of their life because it takes up most hours within their week. And yes, that is true – to an extent.

When we take a look at our average week, most individuals work roughly 40 hours (this clearly varies by industry). Now, every single person has 168 hours in their week (even Beyoncé). Although it seems like we mostly work, in reality, an average American is only working 24% of their weekly hours. Now even if math isn’t your strongest skill we can easily agree based on this subtraction that we have an estimate of 128 hours outside of working hours to fill as we choose. Of course, we need to factor in our sleep, which if you get 8 hours a day, that adds up to 56 hours. That leaves us with 72 hours in the week (or 10.25 hours each day) to use most effectively and efficiently.

I would think that with those many hours left to our discretion, we would have so many other things going on in our personal life that we are excited to talk about. Are we really that boring of people that we have nothing else we enjoy filling our time with? Or do we take such pride in what we do and feel the need to consume our hours working or find ways to excel in our job?

Working In The Earlier Years

It makes sense how someone’s job strongly determined their identity decades ago when occupations were limited and also were mainly gender-specific. Historically, professions were family-based and sons did not have much of a choice in their line of work. If your father was a carpenter, you became a carpenter. If he was a locksmith, you became a locksmith. Family businesses were passed on. Meanwhile, women and girls were homemakers and tended to the cooking, cleaning, and household duties.

In addition, there were far fewer jobs in the past so typically people would be known for and associated with the type of work they did. For instance, the town baker was the only baker so his identity was closely tied to the work he did. But times have clearly changed and we know this is no longer the case for us! With the advancement of technology, increase in education, changes in gender laws, and the abundance of jobs that have been created, we have moved away from the uniqueness of our job. Now, there are hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of people in the same industry and role as us. We can easily be replaced in our job by someone else. So then why do we still put a big emphasis on what we do? Why would we feel lost without our job title?

WHAT We Do Vs. WHO We Are

I think we are to blame. I know that sounds harsh but it’s true. The emphasis on what we do begins as early as childhood when asked “what do you want to be when you grow up?” Sure, it’s cute to hear the imagination of a young, invincible mind and the preposterous things they say. But it’s this question that starts putting us on the career identity track. However, what if we shifted that focus? Instead, what if we ask our youth “what type of person do you want to be” and “what kind of imprint do you want to leave on this world?”

Asking questions like these provides so much more meaning and allows us to help carve the person they want to become. They provoke deeper thoughts on how to leave the world a better place as they continue to get older and understand this question more clearly.

When I was in the early years of middle school, I recall one evening at the dinner table being surrounded by family that was visiting. Everyone was catching up and naturally, their jobs were a common focus of the conversation. It was at this moment that I remember thinking to myself “I can’t wait until one day when I’m older and I have a job that is my specialty and I’m skilled at!” As very curious children, we can see the connection adults have with their identity and the level of success in their profession. It’s like what we do is interchangeable with who we are.

Experiences like the one I had and the emphasis on picking a career in general, begin to put pressure on us. In high school, it feels like we are supposed to have it all figured out. The pressure builds as we face big decisions at young ages. At 17 we start applying to colleges that have a program we think we want to attend, and by the end of college sophomore year, we need to declare our major. A major that sets us in the direction of a career we think we want to work the rest of our life when we are only 19-20 years old.

We are taught to climb the corporate ladder through promotions so that we can attain higher tiers of income, which will define our social status and our overall success. The pressure to think about what you want to become and the success linked to it is constantly being absorbed around us. No wonder why many of us are stressed out or feel lost when we have not figured it out yet. Or those that want a different path that hasn’t aligned with what we’ve been taught most of our life.

Job Satisfaction In America

Most of us, unfortunately, don’t even love what we do. According to a survey on job satisfaction, “across America, 45% of workers say they are content with their jobs, 20% feel very passionate about their jobs, and 33% believe they have reached a dead-end in their career.” Maybe that’s because we are forced to pick a specific degree so young, get stuck in an industry we don’t care for, or were never really encouraged to chase after the passion we love if it wasn’t viewed as “a successful one”.

Those are very large percentages of Americans that are unhappy or lack passion for their work. It’s unfortunate that so many people are working a job because they “have” to and not because they “get” to. How do you know which one you are? Simple, if your paycheck was to stop coming in, would you keep doing that job? If your answer was no, then you are not living your ‘why’.

If that’s the case for a lot of us, then again, why do we put so much attachment to it and feel the need to still have a confident answer when we are asked what we do? As mentioned earlier – I believe it’s the pressure placed on us and its association with life success. However, for those that are like myself that are still figuring out what career they are meant to be in, those who are unhappy where they are professionally, or anyone in-between jobs, being asked the “what do you do” question can feel super intimidating! It can bring out personal insecurities of feeling less than others, not good enough, embarrassed, or just plain lost.

A New Vision For Us

Instead of aligning our identity with our profession, what if we focused on the type of person we are and the interests or hobbies we possess? We are not put on this earth living to work, although we tend to forget this with the demands of our daily tasks. We lose sight of activities we are passionate about or find fulfillment in. We don’t make the time to partake in hobbies we’ve once enjoyed, or plan that trip we have been wanting to take.

I would love to see more people engage in conversation that focuses on a fun weekend they had, a good book or movie they saw, a hike they went on, a workout class they have been taking, a song they have been working on, or personal goals they have set for the month. We don’t give ourselves enough credit for our personal lives and are more interesting than we think. I also feel this helps develop stronger relationships and can be easier when trying to make friends with someone since we are trying to find common interests that we can both engage in.

As an exercise to challenge this, I encourage you to see how long you can go without mentioning work when meeting someone new or catching up with someone. Try to ask open-ended questions about their personal life. When sharing updates about yourself, mention things like a goal you are striving for, or something you recently participated in, or an upcoming event you have coming up that you are excited about.

I hope you enjoyed this and that it shared some perspective with you. Tell me some of your thoughts while reading this or if it sparked a specific feeling for you. Keep in mind the next time when you are speaking with someone, even if this did not resonate with you and you are perfectly happy with your career, it might not be the same for that individual.